Sunday, November 21

Once upon a 30 minute lunch break

So I’m sitting in a big brown chair in starbucks wondering why I’m here. I’m in some of the ugliest clothes I own, and embarrassed to be in them. I’ve recently finished scrubbing the bathrooms top to the funky bottom. I found some of life’s finest presents a human could leave her fellow man. I’m eating a 27cent cup of ramen noodles as my oh-so nutritious dinner. Again wondering why I’m in this situation. I think it is safe to say this is not the purpose of my creation.
In my bag in front of me are several items that remind me of unfinished or pending plans. A PDA full of scheduling info telling when to show up and make lattes, phone numbers of business people and friends from around the country. A handheld HAM radio resides in the side pocket, charged up and ready for the world’s communications networks to crumble. In the front flap is a book published in the 70’s containing all the registered HAM repeaters in the country, at least in the one that remain from the 70’s. Inside the bag are three binders full of papers and some chicken scratch in each. One is labeled with a Harsh Krieger sticker. Inside it are notes form various meetings that led no where and some conceptual drawing of a series of product displays. The second bound collection of paper is a branded with a home printed sticker with my company logo. Contained within are notes from a SEO (Search Engine Optimization) business seminar, notes on the design of a tour management program i’m trying to develop, and one incomplete page of notes on a meeting that never took place. The third bagged collection of bleached tree bits is by far the most used. A padded black folder with a note pad inside. Usually the staples of this folder are my business cards (that seem to go out in mass with no return) and resumes (also given and no calls received). Recently it’s been the proud holder of yet another project, the Product display bids I’ve thrown together for 2 other small time bands that can’t afford them anyway.

When I pray for direction and none comes, where do I go? Sadly it seems that human nature is to go down. Be bummed or just be a bum.

I can’t let that be the case.

Oct. 19, 2004

You know it occurred to me today as i made lattes for all the nice people of Franklin TN, that I'm too dadgun proud and too bitter about my place in life. All morning people who knew me from the coolsprings store were happy to see me and ask what I've been up to. Well, I've been just a little two willing to share my story about being layed off by some spoiled rich little kids. As I'm getting to know the people that work there they ask me what I do. I just a bit to excited to let them know that "I've traveled with several bands." SEVERAL? Ya right that makes me sound like I'm such a big, constantly sought after engineer. When in reality I've had only two real groups that I only got because God handed them to me on a silver platter. I did nothing to get them, no my talent, not my "reputation," nothing. So why on earth do I talk like I'm some big thing? Why is it when I walk into any situation that I think, "Oh I've traveled the world with bands, I'm better than anyone here"? SERIOUSLY!! I'm just dumb to think that any of those things came from me. I've got nothing.